I absolutely love watching HGTV. Long before I was even a homeowner, I would watch this channel and dream of the day that I would have my own house to decorate. I love the real-estate shows, and the first time home buyer shows, but my favorite shows are the room makeover shows.
At the beginning of an HGTV makeover show, they show you the room as it is, talk about the design, implement the design, and voila! A brand spankin new bedroom/living room/bathroom. I truly believe that if you watch enough of these shows you become delusional. You start looking around your house for walls to tear down. Your husband looks at you crazy as you go around the room knocking on the walls, muttering under your breath that it is definitely not "load bearing". You begin to fantasize about granite counter tops and stainless steel appliances. You daydream about tile saws and Carter.....can't forget about Carter....he has the best freakin hair.....oh if you could run your fingers through his hair just one time....and the guy who does the colorsplash show.....he is absolutely a cutie pie....and totally gay, but in your daydream he's not......You start to think that you are actually Bob Vila. That you can and will extend the north side of your house by 6 feet, install french doors leading out onto the double tiered deck that you will construct entirely out of reclaimed wood because you know, going green is the thing to do now days.
Well, this weekend I had my first HG-Re-al-it-tee moment. I had a hair brained idea to paint all of the trim in all of the bedrooms. I decided that the natural honey colored wood had to go. I selected a wonderful shade of white, which took me like 20 minutes to pick out at the store because there were like a billion different shades of white to choose from. I told the guy at the store I wanted "just white".
He said, "You mean you want the color 'just white' or you want just white?"
Not having ever done this before, I looked at him like he was speaking fluent idiot and repeated, "I just need white".
He proceeded to bring out a color strip of different whites, one of which was actually called 'just white', and I thought to myself how brilliantly retarded to name a paint color 'just white'.
The store clerk proved to be very helpful and sent me on my way with my paint, tape, paintbrushes, paint tray, and sandpaper.
The first part of my task was to sand all the varnished wood, scratching it up so the paint would adhere to it. On HGTV, they mention this tip quite a bit, but they never actually show it being done, and let me tell you, it takes FORever. After 1 hour of sanding, I scaled my project back from bedrooms plural to bedroom singular. Once the sanding is complete, you then must wipe up the dust. Another FUN 30 minutes. Next comes prepping the room to paint. This involves 45 minutes of laying down plastic and securing it under the baseboards, and taping the walls surrounding the doors and windows - more FUN.
To make a long story short, it took me about 10 hours spread out over 2 days to paint the trim in 1 bedroom. I finished at about midnight on Sunday. Tired and annoyed with myself for picking such a tedious decorative task, I poured myself a glass of wine and turned on the television where I caught the last 5 minutes of another wonderful makeover show - a totally turned out dining room AND a surprise bonus master bath remodel.
Beautiful and flawless all in 30 minutes.
FUCK YOU HGTV
.......on second thought....that tile is amazing.....and that granite would look great in my kitchen...I mean, I'm pretty sure this counter top would come off pretty easily......
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Happy Birthday Kala
This year I gave myself a great birthday present.....a vacation! Marv and I went on a 4 day cruise to the Bahamas. We departed out of Port Canaveral, stopping at Royal Carribean's private island CocoCay and Nassau, Bahamas.
On December 15th, after spending 2 days with friends in Orlando, we sailed out on Monarch of the Seas, one of the oldest ships in the RCI fleet. We were surprised that she was still in really great shape. The ship left at 5pm. We were originally scheduled for the main dining seating at 6:30, but we decided to change it to the second seating at 8:30pm. Dinner was absolutely delicious. Marv had steak and I got the mahi-mahi. We had hardly finished our meals, however, when the rocking and swaying of the ship became too much. We both felt like we were going to be seeing our dinner again real soon. The rest of the night was a wash, as we spent it in bed totally seasick.
When we woke up the next morning, we were very thankful that the ship was still. We had anchored just off the shore of Cococay. After grabbing some breakfast at the buffet, we hopped a ferry to the island. The palm trees, white sand beaches, and aqua blue water, were absolutely gorgeous. The water surrounding the island was crystal clear and very shallow. You could wade a good 200 yards from the shore and it would still not even be to your knees. There was really no surf or waves to speak of. On one particular side of the island, the water was a bit deeper and provided a great place to snorkel.
We took some time to explore the island before grabbing some lunch at the BBQ stations. After filling our bellies, we found a hammock and relaxed the rest of the day away.
The ship left Cococay at approximately 6pm. We would be in for another dinner filled with rocking and swaying. We retrieved some free seasick meds from the infirmary which made all the difference in the world.
Our dinner mates consisted of a young college aged couple from North Dakota and 3 twenty something sisters with monster hooters (Marv was in heaven). They were all very likable and dinner each night was filled with a lot of laughs.
When we woke up on Day 3, we were in the port of Nassau, Bahamas. After getting into a wonderful squabble Marv and Kala style, we made up, rented a scootercycle, and toured the island. We ventured over to the Atlantis resort and did some sightseeing. Marv did a good job driving on the opposite side of the road as we do in the states. He only almost got us killed a couple of times by turning into the wrong lane. The weather was perfect, and we ended our day at a bar called Da Shak.
Day 4 was spent at Sea so we busied ourselves with all the fun things to do on the ship. The most memorable was trying out the RCI signature Rock Wall. Neither of us had ever rock climbed before so it was definitely a challenge. With a little help and guidance from the supportive staff, we both made it to the very top.
We disembarked on December 19th and headed back to Orlando to stay with our friends, Chris and Christy. They have a two year old son, Ian, who we absolutely adore. We enjoyed going with them for Ian's very first meeting with Santa. He did a great job, and his pictures came out hilarious.
We spent my actual birthday (Dec. 20th) lounging out next to the pool enjoying the 80 degree weather. That night we went to the Orlando Magic game to watch them take on the LA Lakers. It was our first pro basketball game. Afterwards, we walked over to the bar district and went to our favorite Orlando bar, Chillers. We spent the rest of the night there getting drunk before taking a Taxi back to our friends house.
I woke up the next day thinking about what an awesome birthday I had. Marv woke up with a major hangover. I would like to put in print that I drank WAY more than him and was totally fine. He is a lightweight.
After 9 days in paradise, we were definitely ready to head home. We could, however, have done without the 5 degree temperature waiting for us when we stepped off the plane at KCI.
On December 15th, after spending 2 days with friends in Orlando, we sailed out on Monarch of the Seas, one of the oldest ships in the RCI fleet. We were surprised that she was still in really great shape. The ship left at 5pm. We were originally scheduled for the main dining seating at 6:30, but we decided to change it to the second seating at 8:30pm. Dinner was absolutely delicious. Marv had steak and I got the mahi-mahi. We had hardly finished our meals, however, when the rocking and swaying of the ship became too much. We both felt like we were going to be seeing our dinner again real soon. The rest of the night was a wash, as we spent it in bed totally seasick.
When we woke up the next morning, we were very thankful that the ship was still. We had anchored just off the shore of Cococay. After grabbing some breakfast at the buffet, we hopped a ferry to the island. The palm trees, white sand beaches, and aqua blue water, were absolutely gorgeous. The water surrounding the island was crystal clear and very shallow. You could wade a good 200 yards from the shore and it would still not even be to your knees. There was really no surf or waves to speak of. On one particular side of the island, the water was a bit deeper and provided a great place to snorkel.
We took some time to explore the island before grabbing some lunch at the BBQ stations. After filling our bellies, we found a hammock and relaxed the rest of the day away.
The ship left Cococay at approximately 6pm. We would be in for another dinner filled with rocking and swaying. We retrieved some free seasick meds from the infirmary which made all the difference in the world.
Our dinner mates consisted of a young college aged couple from North Dakota and 3 twenty something sisters with monster hooters (Marv was in heaven). They were all very likable and dinner each night was filled with a lot of laughs.
When we woke up on Day 3, we were in the port of Nassau, Bahamas. After getting into a wonderful squabble Marv and Kala style, we made up, rented a scootercycle, and toured the island. We ventured over to the Atlantis resort and did some sightseeing. Marv did a good job driving on the opposite side of the road as we do in the states. He only almost got us killed a couple of times by turning into the wrong lane. The weather was perfect, and we ended our day at a bar called Da Shak.
Day 4 was spent at Sea so we busied ourselves with all the fun things to do on the ship. The most memorable was trying out the RCI signature Rock Wall. Neither of us had ever rock climbed before so it was definitely a challenge. With a little help and guidance from the supportive staff, we both made it to the very top.
We disembarked on December 19th and headed back to Orlando to stay with our friends, Chris and Christy. They have a two year old son, Ian, who we absolutely adore. We enjoyed going with them for Ian's very first meeting with Santa. He did a great job, and his pictures came out hilarious.
We spent my actual birthday (Dec. 20th) lounging out next to the pool enjoying the 80 degree weather. That night we went to the Orlando Magic game to watch them take on the LA Lakers. It was our first pro basketball game. Afterwards, we walked over to the bar district and went to our favorite Orlando bar, Chillers. We spent the rest of the night there getting drunk before taking a Taxi back to our friends house.
I woke up the next day thinking about what an awesome birthday I had. Marv woke up with a major hangover. I would like to put in print that I drank WAY more than him and was totally fine. He is a lightweight.
After 9 days in paradise, we were definitely ready to head home. We could, however, have done without the 5 degree temperature waiting for us when we stepped off the plane at KCI.
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