A big middle finger salute to HGTV

I absolutely love watching HGTV. Long before I was even a homeowner, I would watch this channel and dream of the day that I would have my own house to decorate. I love the real-estate shows, and the first time home buyer shows, but my favorite shows are the room makeover shows.

At the beginning of an HGTV makeover show, they show you the room as it is, talk about the design, implement the design, and voila! A brand spankin new bedroom/living room/bathroom. I truly believe that if you watch enough of these shows you become delusional. You start looking around your house for walls to tear down. Your husband looks at you crazy as you go around the room knocking on the walls, muttering under your breath that it is definitely not "load bearing". You begin to fantasize about granite counter tops and stainless steel appliances. You daydream about tile saws and Carter.....can't forget about Carter....he has the best freakin hair.....oh if you could run your fingers through his hair just one time....and the guy who does the colorsplash show.....he is absolutely a cutie pie....and totally gay, but in your daydream he's not......You start to think that you are actually Bob Vila. That you can and will extend the north side of your house by 6 feet, install french doors leading out onto the double tiered deck that you will construct entirely out of reclaimed wood because you know, going green is the thing to do now days.

Well, this weekend I had my first HG-Re-al-it-tee moment. I had a hair brained idea to paint all of the trim in all of the bedrooms. I decided that the natural honey colored wood had to go. I selected a wonderful shade of white, which took me like 20 minutes to pick out at the store because there were like a billion different shades of white to choose from. I told the guy at the store I wanted "just white".
He said, "You mean you want the color 'just white' or you want just white?"
Not having ever done this before, I looked at him like he was speaking fluent idiot and repeated, "I just need white".
He proceeded to bring out a color strip of different whites, one of which was actually called 'just white', and I thought to myself how brilliantly retarded to name a paint color 'just white'.

The store clerk proved to be very helpful and sent me on my way with my paint, tape, paintbrushes, paint tray, and sandpaper.

The first part of my task was to sand all the varnished wood, scratching it up so the paint would adhere to it. On HGTV, they mention this tip quite a bit, but they never actually show it being done, and let me tell you, it takes FORever. After 1 hour of sanding, I scaled my project back from bedrooms plural to bedroom singular. Once the sanding is complete, you then must wipe up the dust. Another FUN 30 minutes. Next comes prepping the room to paint. This involves 45 minutes of laying down plastic and securing it under the baseboards, and taping the walls surrounding the doors and windows - more FUN.

To make a long story short, it took me about 10 hours spread out over 2 days to paint the trim in 1 bedroom. I finished at about midnight on Sunday. Tired and annoyed with myself for picking such a tedious decorative task, I poured myself a glass of wine and turned on the television where I caught the last 5 minutes of another wonderful makeover show - a totally turned out dining room AND a surprise bonus master bath remodel.

Beautiful and flawless all in 30 minutes.

FUCK YOU HGTV

.......on second thought....that tile is amazing.....and that granite would look great in my kitchen...I mean, I'm pretty sure this counter top would come off pretty easily......